News
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As Volunteers, They're Single but Not Alone;
NY Times Sunday, September 24, 2000
By Marcelle S. Fischler
Alone for her first holiday since
she got divorced, Jan Krivosheiw, a psychotherapist from Syosset,
decided to volunteer. "Lonely on Thanksgiving?" read the
ad she inserted in a local paper inviting other singles to join her
in spreading holiday cheer at Timothy Hill Children's Ranch, an
orphanage in Riverhead.
Six singles responded to her call that
November 12 years ago. At Christmas that year, she placed another
ad. Twenty-five singles joined her for a sing-along at the United
Presbyterian Residence in Woodbury followed by a potluck dinner at
her home. What's next, the volunteers wanted to know. Soon Dr.
Krivosheiw had 50 helpers planting trees on the beach with Operation
Xmas Tree with the Town of Oyster Bay. "Every time I put out an
ad and thought of another event, more people showed up," said
Dr. Krivosheiw, 54. "I realized I had an organization on my
hands."
The group she founded, Singles for
Charities, now has a mailing list of 1, 500 names, a newsletter
listing dozens of volunteer opportunities, monthly meetings followed
by dances and hundreds of not-for-profit benefits, concerts, galas
sporting events, animal rescue missions and environmental projects
to select from each year. Most of the singles are 45 and over.
"They are newly single, newly widowed and they are not there to
check people out," Dr. Krivosheiw said. "It's not a
singles event, but they meet the other singles. We attract very
giving singles rather than takers. You get hooked on this stuff and
it's really contagious.
As she talked, she was selling raffle
tickets at the 12th annual Crab Fest at Centerport Beach, sponsored
by the Suffolk County chapter of the American Red Cross. Dawn
Tropeano, an administrator with the chapter, said the
all-you-can-eat picnic for 800 was the group's largest fund-raiser
and would have been difficult to run without the Dr. Krivosheiw's 25
volunteers.
"The Singles for Charities are one of my main sources,"
Ms. Tropeano said. "They are an awfully big part of it. They
are helpful and organized and they take control of the situation.
They handle my raffles, they serve the food, they greet the guests.
Their clowns entertain the kids."
Some of the singles helped out at the
Friends of the Arts outdoor concert series at Planting Fields
Arboretum in Oyster Bay and the Harry Chapin 5K Run/Walk this
summer. Others volunteered at the Documented Beach Clean-Up Day,
sponsored by the Littoral Society at Jones Beach on Sept. 16. And
Dr. Krivosheiw, who donates time at about 30 functions a year, is
looking forward to volunteering at United Cerebral Palsy's Festival
of Trees at SUNY-Old Westbury Nov. 24 through 26. The singles help
set up, work the gift shops and decorate three trees. Singles for
Charities' own benefit, a garage and yard sale, is today at 291
Jackson Avenue in Syosset from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.
While most of the women had previously
done community service, as P.T.A. moms and Brownie leaders,
volunteering was an option many of the men had never considered.
"Once they got hooked on it, they really like it," said
Dr. Krivosheiw. "Single people, a lot of whom who have been
divorced or even widowed, often feel misplaced, yet don't want to be
in a singles organization. They want to do something that looks
productive. Whatever happens beyond that is a bonus."
Several marriages, and babies, have been born out of the group. Some
of the couples continue to pitch in together at various benefits.
And it's not all work. The volunteers also meet for bowling, tennis,
hikes and weekend outings.
After her divorce, Maddy Corr, a bookkeeper and real estate agent
from Wantagh, tried the club scene. She hated it. When she joined
Singles for Charities, she said, she found a whole group of friends.
"They are honest people,"
Ms. Corr said, having found that many men she met at bars were
looking to party, not to have a long-term relationship. "If you
go to something like this, you network and meet other nice people.
It's very fulfilling."
Two years ago, Dr. Krivosheiw decided to start a clown group with
some of her cancer patients. Realizing it might also give singles a
boost, she hired professional clowns to give lessons and teach
makeup.
Since then Clowns for Charity has been
providing entertainment for children and the elderly at many of the
not-for-profit affairs. After Dr. Krivosheiw's 78-year-old mother,
Leonora DeGaglia, helped sew the costumes, she joined the group as
head clown. A longtime widow, Ms. DeGaglia figured it was neither
too late to meet someone new or to do good for others.
The clown group was an instant success. So there was Stu Rosenberg,
a medical technician from Wantagh, dressed as Patches the Clown,
blowing and forming balloon animals for the children - and grown-ups
- waiting in line for food at the Crab Fest. "I don't do the
singles places," said Mr. Rosenberg, a lifelong bachelor.
"This just fits in. I like helping people. It makes you feel
good. You get little kids to smile."
After being widowed for the second
time in nine years, Anita Arrigio of Plainview joined the singles
group. "My lifestyle changed," Ms. Arrigio said. "I
just had started to socialize at that point. I had to keep busy and
I liked the idea that we were helping organizations who didn't have
enough of their own personnel."
Ms. Arrigio said being involved helped
ease her mind. While she has made a lot of friends, she is not sure
that volunteering in a black and white clown suit with pink lipstick
hearts drawn on her cheeks is the path to finding true love. "I
think the best way is to be introduced," she said. Not hedging
her bets, she goes dancing and to other singles events.
When she first got divorced 11 years ago after 25 years of marriage,
Rosemary Pappacoda, a teacher's aide at Suffolk Boces from Bay
Shore, just stayed home. She tried singles dances but didn't enjoy
them. "When I went to Singles for Charities, it was more like a
family," she said. "You see the same people. At a bar, you
never see them again."
Ms. Pappacoda, who has three grown
children, said she has dated several men she has met while
volunteering, but isn't ready for a mate. "It fills my time and
fulfills my sense of being with people I really like," she
said. "They are all in the same boat. No matter where I
volunteer, I'm always with someone. The kids are great, but they
want to know you have your own friends. It's building my own life
and that's what I want."
Barbara Perretta, a programmer analyst
from Huntington Station who has never been married, said the
volunteer program worked because participants weren't limited to one
organization and could commit as much time as they want. "If
you're single and not dating anyone, you have a lot of time on your
hands to be working with other people rather staying home
alone," Ms. Perretta said. "And it's a great service for
the community."
Dennis Vogel, a production planner for
an electronics company from Setauket, was working the food line at
the picnic, dishing out roasted and barbecued chicken.
"I feel like I accomplished
something today," said Mr. Vogel, who is divorced. "It's a
worthy cause. It's a way to meet people, have good food and enjoy
the day."
Lamenting the Suffolk County singles
scene, he added: "There are less and less places you can go to
meet people. This is one of the places you can go to. I don't do the
clubs much anymore. I'm getting tired of it. This is a much better
alternative. It gives me fulfillment."
Were it not for the singles group, Mr.
Vogel said he would never have considered going to the Crab Fest
because, like many fund-raisers and community events, it was a
family oriented activity. "We brought our own crowd," he
said.
Last year, Dr. Krivosheiw's son
happened to be free on Thanksgiving. She took him along to the
Ronald McDonald House in New Hyde Park on a Singles for Charity
jaunt to help cook food. "He loved it," she said. "I
actually look forward to Thanksgiving now. It's a wonderful
opportunity."
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